DreadPixie’s Lunchtime Thoughts: Clerics Are Assholes.

There is a reason why this image exists as a top result when googling “dnd cleric memes”, it’s because all clerics are assholes. Okay fine, maybe not all of them, but most of them? I have seen, heard, and personally experienced a lot of completely selfish dickish clerics that have no concern for their fellow party members. Why is this? I have a theory. I think that most people that choose to play a cleric are just terrible people. Not really, just sometimes. My honest theory is that a lot of people look at clerics and see this bad-ass character wielding a heavy weapon and a shield and they choose it because they want to fuck shit up. They don’t consider the fact that other people might want them a heal every now and then, because that’s not exciting. Right?

Clerics aren’t the only ones guilty of this but they do seem to be the biggest offenders. Almost every game I have played in there’s at least one person that chooses a character that ends up disappointing them. Often times it’s because they don’t end up doing as much damage as other characters.  Which is another annoyance of mine. We like to do “cool stuff” in RPGs, but everyone doesn’t need to do mass amounts of damage in order to do that “cool stuff”. Just check out the character’s abilities depending on what RPG you’re playing, there are almost always pretty fucking rad things that are already on your character sheet that don’t necessarily do a ton of damage, or any.

Here’s another crazy idea, make something up. It’s a role playing game if you don’t want to do the same old thing, don’t. Most of the best games happen when people look away from their character sheets, stats, and abilities and just do something crazy.

These games are supposed to be fun. If you really have to do the most damage to have fun, then maybe tabletop RPGs aren’t for you? Try playing WoW, or one of the other literal thousands of video game RPGs that revolve around upgrading your character. You’ll be able to see your name at the top of the damage meter and get yourself all hot and bothered about it. However, if you are set on playing an tabletop RPG, you’ll be required to get along with others so find a character that fits your play style. Do a little research. If you want to do the most damage try a Barbarian style character, you’ll be able to focus on hitting things really hard and no one will bother you with requests for anything but smashing faces. You could be a magic user and cast sweet spells, or a rogue type character and be sneaky and stabby, or even a fucking bard you’d be musical and basically worthless but still have fun.

Bards though, that’s a blog post for another day, another lunch hour. Until next time!


    • It wasn’t a question of “massive” healing, or the capacity at which a character is healing – it was more of a binary discussion, aimed at those who completely refuse to do it.

    • A better question is, if someone doesn’t want to heal, then why are they playing a Cleric?
      What next, a Barbarian who doesn’t like to fight?
      An illiterate Wizard who hates magic?
      A Druid who hates nature and refuses to go outside?

  1. Can confirm. Played with a guy who started out as a cleric and was given a healing wand. Goes Tempest. Then gets a Javelin of Lightning, and multi-classes into rogue for more damage. Now looking at the wand like it’s hot garbage and asks if anyone wants it. In that entire game I only ever saw him heal people out of combat or himself in combat.

    I’m not saying that if you pick cleric in D&D you have to become the dedicated healbot. But if you pick cleric and have zero intention of ever casting any healing or support spells, yeah you’re an asshole.

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